It was a calm and sunny day in the city that Final Fantasy VIII takes place in, and Squall was sitting on the couch watching the sports game. Beside him, was his loyal cat Purina, who was named after his favorite cat food. Purina didn’t care much for the sports game that Squall was watching, because he’s a cat, yet could tolerate it because he was able to spend time with his favorite human… Also because he rolled around in his favorite catnip for an hour earlier.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a knock on the door appeared, and a sudden sense of dread came over Purina.

“It’s probably Rhinoa,” Purina thought to himself in a kittenish meow. “I don’t like that woman. She tries to steal my human from me.”

“Come in,” Squall said to the door, as Purina stood up, ready to hiss at Rhinoa.

Suddenly, Rhinoa entered the room, and Purina hissed. He knew it was her, he could tell because she had super black hair, instead of grey hair like everyone else, because cat’s are probably colorblind.

“Are you busy?” Rhinoa was cautious in entering Squall’s house, because she remembered that the last time she came in unannounced, Purina clawed her leg, leaving a scratch mark.

“Nah, just watching this sports game,” said Squall casually, not even looking at her as he focused on the sports game.

“Good,” said Rhinoa.

It was at this point in the conversation that Purina had heard enough. They were already talking about too much human stuff, and he had important cat business to attend to. So Purina jumped off the couch, and walked past Rhinoa without scratching her this time, because he didn’t want to get sprayed with a water bottle, because cats don’t like water.

“How’s the game,” Rhinoa asked.

“Good. The team I like is winning,” replied Squall

“That’s good,” said Rhinoa.

“I think we need to talk about something,” Rhinoa said

“You’re wanting to break up with me,” Squall replied after a long delay.

“No, it’s just…” Rhinoa tried to finish her sentence, but was cut off abruptly by Squall, who was clearly more interested in his sports game.

“That’s fine, I was thinking we could use a break,” Squall said as Rhinoa sat silently in a state of surprise at the words she was hearing. “After saving the world and stuff with each other,” Squall continued, “We could probably use a break. Besides, I was thinking about asking my hot teacher out.”

“Teacher?” Rhinoa was sad about hearing that Squall thought his teacher was hotter than her.

“Yeah, the one with the glasses and ponytail,” Squall said referring to Quintis.

Meanwhile, Purina was sitting in the other room, quite happy hearing that Squall was finally over Rhinoa, which meant Purina could have his human all to himself… At least, whenever Purina wanted, cause cats aren’t really people animals all the time. So Purina walked back over to see Squall and Rhinoa break up, hoping that Squall would be sad and would rub his belly. So Purina jumped up on to the couch, and climbing onto Rhinoa’s lap, only to get a closer look at her sad face.

“Fine,” Rhinoa said, standing up, and knocking Purina to the couch cushion beside her. “You just break girls’ hearts, don’t you? With your long hair, and your boyishly good looks! I’ll just go out with Cypher, at least he knows how to treat me like a lady!”

Rhinoa stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving Squall to hardly notice that she left. Purina was pleased.

The next day, Squall woke up in a great mood, his favorite sport team won the game, and he could finally ask out his hot teacher who also helped him save the world. He didn’t care about Rhinoa asking out Cypher either, because Cypher was probably gay anyway.

So Squall decided to go to school today and try and have his teacher go out with him. So Squall grabbed Purina, because girls love cats apparently, and ran to his garage where he parked his Chocobo.

Suddenly, Squall shoots out of the garage on his Chocobo, and flew into the air. Squall was happy that he installed rockets to his Chocobo after he saved the world, so he could actually fly to places instead of taking the train, like in the game of Final Fantasy VIII.

When Squall arrived at the school on his flying Chocobo, he entered Quintis’s classroom, holding his pet cat in his one hand. He felt nervous, and had butterflies in his stomach, hoping she would say yes to him, and that his cat might help convince her that he has a soft and sensitive side, which is usually implied in men with long hair. But his heart sank, and she walked in, seeing Quintis talking with that kid from Kingdom Hearts. That sadness began to turn to anger when she saw Quintis flirting back with that kid.

“What are you doing here, kid,” screamed Squall?

“I was going to ask Ms. Quintis to be my girlfriend,” replied that kid from Kingdom Hearts, sharply.

“No, she’s going to be my girlfriend,” Squall exclaimed as he pulled out his sword gun thing.

However, that kid from Kingdom Hearts wasn’t intimidated by Squall’s sword gun thing, and pulled out his giant key.

“You’ll have to defeat me first,” replied the kid from Kingdom Hearts.

Suddenly the two of them started to fight and stuff, but Squall was using a gun with a sword, while that kid from Kingdom Hearts only had a stupid key. After a brief battle, Squall just shot the sword from his gun into the kid from Kingdom Heart’s face, and able to be Quintis’s boyfriend.

“Never bring a key to a Sword Gun fight,” Squall said as she brushed his hair out of his eyes. Squall felt pretty proud of himself, for getting a girlfriend and defeating the kid from Kingdom Hearts, when suddenly, Squall felt sad. He realized that he had killed the kid from Kingdom Hearts, who was probably twelve or something, and was afraid that that the Final Fantasy VIII police would come after him.

So Squall picked up Quintis, and they got onto the Chocobo, and flew off into the sunset. However, Squall had left Purina behind at the school, leaving his poor cat to take the blame for the death of the kid from Kingdom Hearts…

To Be Continued…